DCCCCXI

tommyrawblog@gmail.com






This is

how I felt that day
as I stood there in my living room
screaming at the television
while waiting for the phone to ring
after just hanging it up from talking
with my ex-wife Lynn
and reassuring her that everything was okay
just minutes before the second plane...
while she was at work right across the street
from the Trade Center

DCCCCXI

(nine-hundred eleven)

The skies ablaze with hatred

  A billowing horror

I'm helpless

Telephone calls that couldn't be made

  Frozen... timeless ticks

    Life is fading away

I'm helpless

Ten million thoughts... pure insanity

  Standing there in disbelief

    Unable to reach out... unable to save

I'm helpless

I've just lost my heart

  Followed by my soul

    Moments ever ingrained

      Into all I have left

        A meaningless mass... flesh 'n bone

I'm helpless

Comes a quiet within confusion

  Concealing my anger... a numbing pain

    Hours pass... A dormant phone

      Scrolling words now forever

        Consume my life

          Recording a history not deserved

I'm helpless

There will never be another tomorrow

  As long as I can see today

    And today will last my lifetime

      I'm afraid tomorrow's sun has been lost

        Eternal darkness calls

I'm helpless

I'm helpless

I feel so helpless as I watch




Still...
Remembering our friends!

Jimmy Ladley
John McAvoy
Clement Fumando

And also the members of

Rescue 5 FDNY

Staten Island, NY

Just look at this photo!

Left to right...

My cousin Kevin Reilly
(How fucking ironic... as he was a member of Rescue 5 on Sept. 11, 2001
And unbelievably his shift was just relieved that morning)
Tommy Mondello
My brother Joey Mondello
My brother Michael Mondello

And my dad took the photo.

This was what the World Trade Center
looked like back in 1972 before it was open for business.
And West Street was a neglected wasteland.
Unfucking-believable!

All in all...
I do feel as though
I was a very lucky
human being on that day!


First...
because my ex-wife Lynn

had a horrifying experience

of walking over human remains

and unimaginable destruction
on her way towards safety... but...
she was alive!!
She was alive!


And even though we are
no longer together...
I actually have a few heartfelt
tears crawling down my cheeks
at this very moment some 13 years
later because of that fact.
That she was mentally strong
enough to save herself!


It seems...
that it's going to be...
one of those... days folks!


My salted drops
are just overflowing with...
frustration
happiness
sadness
selfishness
hatred
self pity
and last but not least
thankfulness!


And second...
because I could have just as easily
been inside one those buildings
on that very day just as I was
on so many other occasions...
but for some reason...

I wasn't!


Unbelievably,

I saved a few of the daily

visitor passes

from some of the times

I was at the Trade Center that year.

Don't know why I saved them?

They began issuing these after the
1993 bombing of the Towers.


I can't remember when

the last time I was there

for a service call...

or how close I actually came,

to being there that day

but here are some of the passes

I saved.


And now, I don't give a shit
if it's only 8 o'clock in the morning...
I'm pouring myself an ice cold glass
of sangria on my day off!


Cheers muthafucka's... cheers!

Just punch your way through this day...

and try your best

to get back

to living!!!


I'm gonna begin my day with a
song that always makes me smile.


Full Circle
by Aerosmith