Saturday, January 10, 2015

Guys Make the Worst Husband's Don't They!


Just thinking aloud on this one.

Being a single dude has afforded me the luxury to be on the outside looking inwards at ongoing relationships. And believe me, from this vantage point... it's like having ALL the answers
to the test before the
teacher even hands it out!

So dudes... grab a beer...
and listen the fuck up!

And for the guys who tell me
to go fuck myself...
"who are YOU
to tell me about MY marriage"...
well, I have the number to a good
divorce lawyer for you when you're
looking for one
in about a year or two!!

Guys Make the Worst Husbands Don't They!

Of course we do.

I see proof of it every day, every where I go. Hell, I myself was a horrible husband at times now that I think back all those years ago.

Now don't get me wrong kids, I was Mr. Wonderful most of the time, but there were moments when I too added proof to the pudding as to why guys make terrible spouses.

But in my defense, until a dude is told, or has his eye's opened up, do to some sort of event as say divorce or separation, then he can't really be held responsible for his own actions.


Any of you girls buying that?

No... I didn't think so.

Well all joking aside, that's exactly what happened with me. I had no idea that I wasn't being a caring, compassionate, pampering husband all the time towards my wife
like I should have been.

But rest assured, I have remedied every single last one of my short comings. And really, the next woman who accepts me, and embraces me within her arms will reap the benefits
of my newly opened eye's.

And will be pampered from head to toes on a daily basis! Both physically and emotionally.
As she should be.

But since I know you guys really don't believe me that we DO drop the ball from time to time,
or worse...
have never even attempted to pick
the fucking thing up as of yet,
I'm here to wake you the mutha “F” up.

And bring to light some proof of how clueless
us guys can be at times when it comes to
being an extraordinary husband.

So dudes, don't just sit there and call me an asshole or skip over this story completely. Put away the ego for a moment and pay attention.

Because you just may be guilty of some of what you're about to read and not even realize it. And if you are, you'd better get your shit together, or your chick may finally wise up and jump ship

for somebody who truly appreciates her.

Unless of course she's one of those women who enjoys being treated like a sub human servant. And if that's the case, then well, get back to ignoring and treating that bitch like shit my friend, and what the fuck do I know anyways!

I'm always watching couples during the course of my day. Ya know, how they interact with one another. And it's really amazing what you witness when you're on the outside

of their world looking in.

I should create a short film of what I've witnessed and show it to all the husbands out there. And I bet that more than 3 quarters of them aren't even aware of the selfish,

unloving things they do.

Or how disconnected

they are from their partner.

The remaining 25% of you jackoff's would probably just laugh, because you flat out

don't give a fuck anyways.

It's me, me, me and that's all you care about.

So let's all send out one gigantically loud

in unison to those assholes,
and concentrate on you dudes
who just need your eye's opened up a bit.

A little rattle of the cage if you will.

And hopefully just in time before the

separation and divorce papers arrive!

So here are just a very small handful of the things I've witnessed. I won't bore you for too long. These are just the ones that really aggravated the fuck outta me, because they're

so easily remedied. That is if he
cared enough and chose to do so!

When I witnessed this one, I just wanted to ride over, (I was on my bike peddling down to the shore at the time), and pull the guy right outta the car and punch his fucking lights out.

Now this might not sound so insensitive here within these words, but seeing it first hand, right in front of me, well it even opened my own eye's wider when it comes to being a selfish asshole towards the most important person in your life, your wife or girlfriend.

Picture this.
A mini-van, engine running,
at the top of a pretty steep inclined driveway downwards toward the street.

The van is already IN gear, reverse lights on. With the asshole husband behind the wheel.

But where's the wife?

Well, she is leaning deep into the drivers side rear door, openly struggling, trying to secure the baby-seat, with baby in it.

Got the visual?

How fuckin' disrespectful could this guy be?

It's bad enough to just sit there, while your girl struggles. But to have the van already in reverse gear, atop an inclined driveway. Where one simple sneeze could quite possibly cause his foot to slip from the brake peddle and injure her.

Well that's just a husband whose eye's

are completely shut!

I wonder how he would react if I showed him a video tape of that entire situation? Do you think he would feel bad? Would he realize how disrespectful it was?

Would you?

Have you ever done anything like this with your spouse? It's fucked up right, when you stop and think about it, no matter how innocent it sounds, or reads, here in print.

How could he not care enough for her to at least throw the van into park, get the fuck out,

and help her!

How dare that asshole just sit there.

That's a complete douche bag!
Not a fucking clue my friends...
not a fucking clue!

And if you're one the the idiots
saying to yourself...
"mmmm, that doesn't seem too bad?"...
then you are definitely apart of the
25% crowd... AND a loser!

I see this laziness in restaurants as well. Where the husband, usually a big fat fuck, just sits there while the wife waits on him hand and foot.

What the fuck!?

Eat a salad you fuck and get your own plate filled. You guys should think twice the next time your girl begins waiting on you hand and foot.

And again don't get me wrong here. It really is a wonderful thing to have a spouse who cares for you that much and wants to tend to you, but,

just make sure that you turn things around
every once in a while.

Make it a two way street!

Surprise her one day and sit her down

in her favorite spot and then you,
wait on her, hand and foot.

I'm tellin' ya dude, it's a win win situation. And your win will occur later on that night in the bedroom. Because your girl will be so amped up about how thoughtful you were towards her,

that she will do unspeakable things to you.

So unthinkable, that your eyes may never close again as far as paying attention to how you treat your magic. Which is your wife of course!

How many of you guys hate

to go shopping with your girl?

Yeah I was the same way.

I'm goin' kickin' 'n screamin too!

Wrong wrong wrong!

I see the guys pissin' 'n moanin' with every step they take in the stores. Mostly in the

food supermarkets though.

The wife pushes the cart, reads the labels, reaches up to grab the box of cheerios.

Does everything!

While the douche bag husband is just aimlessly wandering around, paying absolutely zero attention to his girl.

Some were actually arguing, and getting mad at the wife for taking too long. Telling her to hurry up, the game was coming on

and other ridiculous reasons.
Too sad!

I just stand there, watch, listen

and shake my head.

But full disclosure here, I myself was guilty of this one too. Not the arguing, well maybe that too... LoL... but mostly the walking around

long-faced and bored part.

How stupid of me.

When what all of us should be doing is turning this unwanted but necessary task into a fun, and yes might I even say, romantic interlude.

Pushing the cart together.

Grabbing her ass so slightly as she reaches over for that can of string beans.
Stealing a kiss as she turns to ask a question.

Things a cute couple do, remember that?

Remember being one of those couples?

All those small, thoughtful, and well, sexy things can turn that ordinarily nightmarish trip to the crowded, hectic supermarket

into a cozy love fest!

And also a prelude for some amazing sex when you get home. Just keep pondering about that "unthinkable/unspeakable stuff"!

That'll keep on course!

So stop the bullshit, and fall in love with your significant other all over again. And stop acting like a dick when you're in the store,

any store, with your girl!

Shut'cha face and just hold on to her handbag while she tries that dress on will ya!

Man up dude, man the fuck up.

This one just absolutely kills me when I see it.

Walking along the sidewalk, through the park, I've seen this everywhere you can think of.

The guy is like 3 or more steps ahead of his girl. Whether with a bunch of friends or just the two of them. How on earth can you walk

with your girl behind you!?

You should always be hand in hand unless all the girls are in one group while the guys

are in another.

Any time you're together you should at least be shoulder to shoulder, in a playful way, if not holding hands. Especially if you're say, walking through a crowded street or event.

Her hand should always be tightly pressed inside yours, period! Don't you think!?

I see this also with bike riding. It's unbelievable. The asshole has his fancy colorful clingy bike riding attire on and is riding 50 feet or more

in front of his poor wife.

Who is clearly struggling just as much
as the chick who was leaning into
the back seat tending to her baby.

Is this guy a dick or what?

And maybe I'm being a bit too sensitive about all this because I'm not with anyone at this point, and truly do miss the hand holding and such.

But I still think it's such a wasted moment.

Romance, romance, romance you fucking knuckleheads... ROMANCE!

Every second of every day!
And again... YES... I WASN'T always like this during my marriage...
but us dudes CAN learn!!

Face it, anytime that the two of you are together, it should be special. Or at least feel special,

even if nothing special is happening!

And if it no longer feels that way, then you should stop reading this stupid fucking blog right this instant and give your babygirl a kiss right out of the blue. And re-ignite the flame.

If being together doesn't feel as it did when you first began dating, when you first said “I DO”... then this my friend should be a wake up call.

A warning sign that you are well on your way
to becoming that fucking dickhead
I've been talking about in this story.

Don't become him.

Be THE most amazing man your wife or girlfriend will ever be with in their entire life!

That's the guy you should be, and that's the guy your baby deserves to be with!

Anytime, especially unexpected time together

is so precious. Again, this is something
I lost track of when I was married.

Just one example was right after September 11, 2001. My ex-wife's company moved it's operations from downtown New York over to New Jersey since her building was damaged in the attack right across the street

from the towers.

I was working in Manhattan at the time,

and when I could, I would shoot over
to Carlstadt, NJ over by Giants stadium
to pick her up instead of her taking
mass transit home.

Perfect right?

Suddenly I got to spend an unexpected

2 extra hours or so with my wife.
Who was lucky enough to survive
that dreadful day!

Didn't matter if she fell asleep on my shoulder, sat there in tired silence, or we talked the time away. Either way, I was the luckiest guy alive, right?


I was a dick.

Lemme use upper case for that...

Instead of feeling as though I was the luckiest guy in the world, having another opportunity to take care of my babygirl, make her feel safe

and loved, after witnessing that fucking
tragic day first hand... what did I do?

I bitched and moaned about the traffic I was now about to be in, instead of already being home.

What a fucking asshole I was!

Wasted time.

That's exactly what that was.
How could I not have cradled her
every second of every day
after going through that!!!????

It kills me to this very second

that I was like that.
Eye's wide shut man,
eye's shut completely!

A person who goes through life with
ZERO regrets...
has either never lived...
is the luckiest muthafucka
on the face this planet!!

So look, bottom line here dude, is to make your wife, girl, baby, always feel loved.


No matter what situation you might

find yourselves in.

There's one thing I learned about having

a significant other, and then not...
and that is, that she...
has to be your number one priority.
Above everything, AND everyone else
in your life. I learned that one too late.

But it's not too late for you muthafucka's.

So get to it.
And go ask your chick if she wants
to go to the supermarket! LoL

I'll be watchin'!

Oh wait, that sounded creepy didn't it?
Well you know what I meant you a-holes.

I absolutely loved writing this entry!!

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