Moment of Clarity

tommyrawblog@gmail.com

I wrote this for the very first person I went on a date with

long after my separation.

I was driving down the Garden State Parkway with my brother Michael & a great friend Gregg on our way to the PNC Arts Center for a concert. I forget who we were going to see. But they gave me the push I needed to get out there and finally begin dating.

It took me a very long time to get into that mindset and get out there. But the very next day after the show I received a phone call from Michael and he put this woman on the phone and we talked. That weekend we went on like an 8 hour date or something... LoL

It was wonderful

to be with someone!

I was SO fucking nervous when I knocked on her door to pick her up. I was 15 all over again...

and not... 40 something!

We went on one date.

She was... and is... beautiful!

5'9"... light hair and deep blue eyes that melted me. But I was just not ready to jump into the deep end of the pool.

Call me a pussy, but this woman would of chewed me up and spit me out! And yeah yeah yeah... I know I know... in a good way! Ha ha ha.

But she's been single for a while, just teeming with confidence and me... well I was an emotional fucking wreck after my separation and eventual divorce.

But...

we connected on some

deep emotional level,

and became really close.

Lemme just say that we were very much like 2 characters from one of my favorite sitcoms...

The Big Bang Theory.

She was the confident, drop dead gorgeous Penny, and me, well I was certainly the confident-less... Leonard Hofstadter

from across the hall... LoL.

We never had any sexual intimacy, but... we both climbed into one another's emotional arms and held on for a very long time.

Turns out that we were much more similar than I had first thought. She was a bit more fragile inside than I would have ever imagined.

I never thought that the

"beautiful people"... ever had emotional stress until then.

But...

they do, just like you & I

go through!

It was truly an eye opener for me. We became a crutch for one another over the months to follow. It was a friendship like no other that I've ever had. It was a wonderful experience,

for both of us!

Nowadays, every once in a while we exchange text messages with the threat of meeting up for lunch, but alas, our time together, our love for one another lives on as an electronic love affair that will always find a place within my heart... always!

It was just meant to be

this way I guess.

But... I will love this girl

until the day I die!

The connection we held, the vulnerability we caressed together was something straight out of a Richard Gere love story. Only he ends up in bed with the chick doesn't he?!

So did I... but we were too busy drinking Landshark Lager and pouring out our inner demons to one another instead of sexing it up! I both hate... AND LOVE the fact that we never made love together! I fall head-over-heels way too easy and I would have just ruined the special thing we had.


Fucking...

just complicates and fucks up everything. Well for my stupid existence it does anyways... lol

Sex is just sex...

but emotional connection,

at the right moment,

is simply priceless!

And yes... I still love you Susan!

My puppy dog tail will always wag whenever I think of you!!

I wrote this for her one day when she was feeling... well lets just say... less confident in life. I folded it up and placed it into a small blue babygirl dream-catcher & wish box along with some

off-season sand from the Belmar beach that we sat on

during our first date.




Here's to friends...

Here's to emotional release...

Here's to sacrificial altars
on which we bleed out...

Here's to unexplainable love...

Here's to clarity... a moment of.

Moment of Clarity

Always look towards something new

When the present moment has somehow failed

Push your way through stormy clouds

No one… no thought… no emotion

 Can ever be stronger than you

  Look at the walls you’ve already scaled…

But also remember to revisit the past

Such inner strength is held within

 A cuddled embrace… a passionate kiss

  Hand in hand walks in the rain

Dream of those times… and forever they will last

Let the tears of joy begin

 Because eyes so beautiful such as yours

  Should never ever be filled

   With confusing tears of pain…

Life’s clarity…

lies behind your two oceans of blue…

Life’s clarity…

will always and forever… flow inside of you…