Saturday, September 14, 2013

The Great Divide

This life...


This muthafucking crazy,
wonderful, difficult,
interesting, boring,
magnificant, stressful,
and ever consuming life...
all comes down to 3 things!
Just 3.


Eating
Drinking
And touching another's flesh!


That's it.


Everything else doesn't matter.
A lot of that other stuff is very nice to have, but not really necessary as long as you have
the big 3.


And that fact doesn't change just because you're in boot camp!


Enter...


... our sister company! LoL








The Great Divide


My squad was a motley bunch indeed.


Our company flag was blue, with an over-sized number 42 embroidered on it. And I’m sure that after observing our military prowess, everyone on the base must’ve thought that the “42” was our collective IQ’s, instead of just
our company number.


We didn’t work too well as a unit. LoL


We sucked at marching,
the obstacle course was a disaster,
and pretty much anything we attempted
blew up in our faces.


The Navy set up a system within boot camp where each time your company performed a task better than everyone else, with speed and precision, they were presented a flag
with a large letter or symbol
that representing said task.


Similar to the Boy Scouts and the way they present the scouts with patches
for meritorious scouting.


The more flags that your company held, the more respect you received from the Petty Officers.


(Remember them? The assholes in charge!)


Also, the company that held the most flags always got to cut to the front
of the line for everything.


A top notch company with many flags unlike us
Well as you can guess... this ISN'T my company... LoL
We couldn't look like these guys even if our lives depended on it!
You can bet that these jerkoff's were way in front of us on ANY line!


If there was a line, they could go
to the front of it without waiting.


You know it must’ve been a cool feeling always stepping to the front of the line. But I would never get to experience that feeling though.


Why not, you ask?
Well, I’m gonna tell ya why.


Do you know how many flags
my company won during our stay?


Go ahead, and guess.


ONE!


Just one.


You muthafucka you!


We collected one fucking flag besides the three others that they gave to every squad,
at the beginning of boot camp.


The one with our company IQ, oh oh, I mean company number on it. (42)


One with the letter "A" on it.
I forget what that stood for,
probably asshole.
Since we had to learn how to wipe our asses
with only 10 sheets of paper and all!
Remember that bullshit?!


And also, each company got to design
there own squadron logo flag as well.


So 3 out of the 4 flags we held were given to us! And thank goodness for that!


Tommy Mondello boot camp graduation company 42 Orlando Fla. 1981


Tommy Mondello boot camp graduation company 42 Orlando Fla. 1981
This is actually my unit at graduation in 1981.
I'm in there somewhere.
Do you see our pathedic 4 flags??
042... P... A... and our company logo flag.



So we never saw the front of any procession.


We were literally the last in line for everything!


But we really didn’t care all too much about that kind of stuff anyways. We were too busy tryin’ to get to know the girls in our sister company.


Fuck those stupid flags!


Who in their right mind would try to finish the obstacle course/Fit Trail as fast as they could when they ran the damn thing with the girls?



Tommy Mondello boot camp obstacle course company 42 slackers


Another company thats wants to be first in line instead of making out
That's some of the guys in my company in that first pic.
Yeah... we look like we're in a rush!!
That second pic is of another company. Obviously one with many flags.
I'm sure they've never been last in line for anything.
And I'll also bet'cha
that they never made out with a chick in boot camp either!!



I could just hear those other straight laced companies with all the flags
saying to one another...


Oh, we better not hide behind all those trees and heavy brush and make out with the girls. We have to finish in first place, so we can be in the front of the line for that crappy Navy chow
before anyone else!


You fucking assholes, you!


Not us, man!
We were lookin’ for those trees and bushes!
Not the fuckin' finish line!


C'mon dudes.
Keep in mind what was most important to us,
in company 42 that is.


Touchin’ some titties, and playin’ the jerk,
while shirking our duties,
avoiding all work!


A pretty simple standard to live by,
dont'cha think?


It didn’t always work out in our favor, but hey, I’d rather take a chance and try to cop a feel, then race to a finish line that offered nothing more than a little pride.


Pride!
HA! Fuck pride!


I didn’t hav’ta prove nuthin’ to nobody but myself. And that’s pretty much how the rest
of the fella's felt as well.


Being in a company that really didn’t take this Navy stuff all too seriously meant that one; you would leave boot camp in top-notch shape.


Those pushups would be coming fast and furious as our lackadaisical work ethic surfaced.


Two, you would spend most of the day
waiting in line.


One flag does not a crack squadron make!


And three, everyone will probably get along just fine, as long as no one transformed into an asshole who needed to get that one foot perfectly in front of the other every time.


If we all adhered to these simple principles then all of the joking and pranks that went down would be rewarded with laughter and slaps on the back, and not with frowns,
or fists to the face!


Thank goodness the guys in my company could really take a joke, and weren’t looking to impress anyone. We had a lott’a laughs.


They had us learning all sorts of things.
Water survival, firefighting,
and even how to shoot a gun!


Can you pick me out of the gun safety class??
I'm the one idiot sleeping through the most important part of the safety lecture. LoL
Fourth from the left.
What a dickhead.


Tommy Mondello sleeping through gun safety course 1981 boot camp
There I am folks... 4th from the left.
Oh how nice, let me grab a snooze
instead of learning how to shoot a fucking gun properly... LoL



We never really excelled much or felt comfortable in any of those situations.
Well I didn't anyways.


But the one place that we truly felt at home
was in the classroom.


We were in class for a couple of hours each day learning who knows what. To tell you the truth, I can’t remember anything at all that went on in that stupid classroom, except hanky panky.


Our sister company was in the class with us animals. It was beautiful!


I couldn’t understand why the Navy let us share the same room as the girls. Didn’t they know what was bound to happen?


That was like slapping a hunk'a raw meat down next to a lion and saying no, you can’t have any.


Wrong!


That lion is gonna swallow that meat whole, and then he’s gonna chew you up next. And, you would deserve it for being so damn naive.


Anyway, by now anyone who was going to become an item between the two companies during boot camp had already done so.


And was well into all of the silliness that goes along with being an item. This made that first day of class simply the best.


At this point before our first class, we didn’t know that we would be sharing the same classroom with the girls.


You should’ve seen everyone’s eyes light up when they marched both companies
into the same room.


We just couldn’t believe what we were seeing. A gift from the gods, perhaps. Maybe a little reward for all of those pushups
we’ve been doing.


The only drawback was that they arranged the girls on one half of the room and the guys on the other. We weren’t all mixed together in a boy girl arrangement or anything.


All of the chairs were in the normal position as any other classroom setting, but it was just understood that the room was psychologically divided in two.


The left side was for the girls, and the right was reserved for us animals.


This was a divide that would have to be crossed and compromised by any means possible!


The seating arrangements on our side of town were nowhere near the way
we wanted them to be.


But that was about to change.


And change it did.


The first time our teacher left the room I confidently kicked the chair out from under me, stood up and barked...


Okay, no way am I fuckin’ sittin’ all the way over here in the corner away from my partner! Fuck this! Okay, this is what we’re gonna do.
((My partner Karen, in our sister company, was into of course. ))


It was as though Arthur Fonzarelli...
aka The Fonz walked off the set of Happy Days and into our little classroom!


Okay, you, out!
You move over here, and Robinson, you over here. You, out, that’s gonna be my seat!


And so on and so forth.


I was standing there, pointing fingers, directing traffic, and conducting the classroom transformation like the maestro at Carnegie Hall.


I had just re-arranged our destiny
for the next several weeks!


(((Imagine being THIS fuckin' cool!!
I only wish dude... I wish!)))



This went on for about three or four minutes. Then the teacher walked back into the room and didn’t even notice a thing. Or, at least didn’t care enough for an explanation to bring it up.


He was no dummy.
After all, he was a lion, just like us.
So, he knew what it was like for someone to place that meat next to them, and be told no!


He was a cool dude.


Standing ovation for
maestro Monzarelli! :)


Mission accomplished!


Now, the people who pulled any weight whatsoever had seats right on the boarder separating the two towns.


Truly, our great divide.


And, as we were in the process of rearranging our seats, the girls (just as horny!) picked up on what we were doing, and made sure
the pairing off of partners was completed.


Soon, we would be together at that great divide. Which once kept us apart,
but now helped bring us closer together.


Oooo... so dramatic huh. LoL


Now, for the next month or so, we were passing notes, holding hands, and playing footsy with one another. It was the most ridiculous thing I have ever been involved with.


But, it was so great at the same time.


I felt like little Kevin Arnold from that show
The Wonder Years tryin’ to get
into Winnie’s pants!


And that’s what it all boiled down to.


Forget about the marching.


Fuck the flags!


Salute this, asshole!


Who cares how to tie a fucking knot
into a piece of fucking rope!


Was this gonna get me laid?


Fuck no!


I could only say that if it wasn’t for the sheer stupidity and downright not giving a shit attitude of the guys in my company, then I actually might’ve become one of those uptight assholes that I learned to despise so much!


Uummmm… nah, forget that!


No, I wouldn’t.
I just wouldn’t.
I couldn’t!


Could you picture me
being one of those assholes?


Me neither!


LoL


Ahoy muthafucka's!!!!