Monday, December 22, 2014

Perfection... & Strength

I came upon some writings
I had scribbled down that
were from about 2 years ago.

And as I was reading through them
I came to this entry you're about to read.

I'm not sure if I was attempting to write a poem or not.
It seems to start off as so, but then
gracefully transforms into simple mind flow.

As if I were just thinking aloud really.
Not looking for any poetic pace,
but more of a creative burst of emotion.

And the words and thoughts were so powerful to me
as I read them that I wanted to share them with you guys
if you don't mind.

Halfway through reading,
I recalled the very day I lifted up my pencil.

I remember I was having one of those
slightly hazy, heavy-ish kind'a dayz...
not glum really, but not glowing with glee either.
Ya know the funk I'm talkin' about?
Just bristling a bit and feelin' kinda deep.

I'm sure we've all had our share
of those hazy dayz. And it's okay ya know!
We can't be Tony Robbins
every second of every day!
Although he still does inspire me.

Well, I remember I was staring out of the glass sliding doors down at the stream below in the back woods.
Which is a huge sort of v-shaped rain catch-basin with two running streams that collide, creating one flow.

My view out towards the catch basin while snow covered
My view out towards the catch basin while snow covered
My view out towards the catch basin without the snow covering.
My view out towards the catch basin without the snow covering.
Close up of the 2 intersecting streams... neat right!
One stream flows from the top of pic down while the second stream
flows right to left finally creating one mass
which continues to flow right to left.

It's even more beautiful when the grounds and limbs
are hidden within white, displaying only the 3 waterways!

But when it rains for any extended period of time,
the stream/streams disappear into one massive
brown rolling rapid rage.

It's really pretty neat to watch too.

But as I was standing there observing
the snow-covered grounds, and two gentle moving channels bleeding into one,
it was as if a lightning bolt struck me.

And I began to have all of these metaphorical thoughts and visions of emotional stability.
And yes, instability as well.
It was really such an amazing feeling.

That's when I grabbed a pencil and began to spew.
And that spewage is what you're about to read.

Just take it for what it is...
simple unedited emotional release.

And I can tell you that the moment I began to read,
waves of emotional stirring whirled all about me.
It was just so neat, so unscripted,
and it really caught me by surprise.
To me this was a wonderful find.

If any of you ever catch yourselves in this same mood
as I was in... then really, these words
could quite possibly be a wonderful find
for you as well!
Just plug yourself into the state of mind,
don't fight it, embrace it,
and absorb the flow!

I do admit that I have the luxury of
sitting back and contemplating... well, stuff!
But I'm thinking that even you people who have
kids and families to tend to need a few
ticks of time for some cleansing
contemplation and reflection!

I've thrown out so much of my rambling words and thoughts over the years for one reason or another,
and I'm kind'a pissed off at myself for doing so.
I wonder how many thought provoking paragraphs
I tossed that will never again see the light of day.
Oh well.

Have you ever found some words or thoughts
that you penned years back
that perhaps meant so much to you at the time,
only to find that they mean as much,
or even more to you today?

Isn't it just so incredible how when you begin to read,
that in so many cases, it pulls you right back to that moment in time when those thoughts
were coursing through you.
It's so incredible when that happens isn't it?

I enjoy writing.

Whether anyone else thinks it's any good or not
really doesn't matter.
Sure, it's always nice of course
if someone somehow feels the pain,
or grins within the silliness of the words,
but that's not why I write.
At one time it was,
but I no longer feel that way.

I write for myself.
To empty all those ideas,
thoughts and at times senseless assessments
of mindless goings on from my over dramatic mind.

Yes... I DO realize
that I'm a fucking drama queen
from time to time.
There... I said it... LoL

But I'm betting that the real honest to goodness professional writers, musicians, any type of entertainer really, must feel the same way.

Otherwise the passion just wouldn't be found anywhere within the piece they've created
if they were doing it for someone
other then themselves.

There wasn't any title atop the piece,
and so I decided to just call it...
Perfection... & Strength.

Which by the way,
we all have inside of us,
if we choose to feel that way!

Perfection... & Strength

A stream of life is flowing in my backyard
Perfection... & strength
Wooded landscape... snow covered limbs
Bambi prints creating paths towards anonymity

I'm looking down upon the flowing life
And can't help to feel as if my own life
Flows in a similar fashion

As if to shed light on my stumbling
My inability to find my purpose for being here

I see before me two streams that join forces
And become united in one perfection... why?
It seems to be paralleling my life

My moods have been up & down
And at times have joined forces as well
Propelling me into similar perfection & strength
But always fail to continuously flow as one... why?

Is there a lesson somewhere within that flowing stream
Within those snow covered limbs
Alongside Bambi's foot prints
Why has Mother Nature chosen this point
To intersect the flow
Right here... right in front of me

Is it here to convince me that 2 halves can make a whole
And flow together as one in harmony
That it's okay to be complicated
And to be on your own path in different directions
But that it's also okay to accept yourself
Your complications... your uniqueness

That it's also okay to allow those traits to breath as one

Sometimes I become so confused
Trying to figure out just who the hell I am anymore
I thought I used to know

Maybe this stream is here to show me
How uncomplicated & easy it really is
To accept your emotional differences
That they can all be alive within you
That there is a balance within you

This stream right now is so small & non-threatening
But at times... after heavy rains it swells & angers
Leaving all balance & wisdom swallowed up
In a way
That sort of represents my down days
When I allow certain emotions
To just overwhelm my entire being
Becoming angry with my own inability
To find out what I want to understand
Why I just can't live... & be happy at times

That raging stream

Why is it... so hard to just be happy
And not think about who you are... or why... you are

I'm looking down upon that stream right now
Slow moving
Far from raging
Combining as one
I see footprints in the snow
I see myself as I so want to be

Is this my sycamore tree
Are some of my “life's answers” right in front of me

Held within Mother Nature's hand
Flowing answers... rolling simplicity
I can stare at you for hours
Like brilliant flames

I am your student
Mind is opening

I will find my balance
I will find myself
Whoever it is... I am
I will be found... again

I feel so lucky to have come across this.

It may sound like a bunch of babbling bullshit
to some, if not all... of you. LoL

But to me, it's a canvas filled with brush strokes
of rich flowing colors creating a wonderful
scenic journey through my sometimes
ridiculous thoughts and mind...
pinned to a specific moment along my lifeline.

Perfection in decay... perhaps?

But for now, they, these words,
still stir what innocence I still have left inside of me.
I'm 53, and I'm still humbled by the simplistic kid who somehow remains within me.

Fuckin' awesome!

Perfection & Strength being born
Perfection & Strength being born
Perfection & Strength being born

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