Friday, September 12, 2014

USS Nimitz CVN-68 Diaries... Eruptions From Within


Can someone please
pass me a mint!

Thank you.

USS Nimitz CVN-68 Diaries...

Eruptions From Within

Wow, Eruptions from within!

Sounds like Tommy’s gonna dig deep inside himself, and maybe talk about some kind of hidden anger, or maybe some other
psychological catastrophe.



Sorry, just a couple quick

vomiting stories for ya!
C'mon, you know as well as I do
that it's going to be so stupid...
that you just have... to laugh!

PU... vomit!
Are you kidding me??

This is a no vomiting zone!

Well, at least the title is pretty cool, huh?
But I know I had a few of you out there
completely fished in for a second or two.

Listen... vomiting breaks down even
the most sophisticated of people,
and brings us all to the very same place
in this life, which is... our fucking knees!

I mean it doesn’t matter if you’re the

President of the United States,
The captain of a nuclear warship,
or a bum livin’ on the streets.
When it comes down to blowin’ chunks,
everyone plays ball on the same field.

There is no uptown,

and there is no downtown.
There’s only, Hell town!

And, for those sixty some odd seconds

of gut wrenching hell, we are
transported to another place.

Oh sure, some well-to-doer's may wipe

their mouths off with an expensive
designer towel while others just slurp
on their shirtsleeve. But for those few horrifying seconds prior to the wiping,
everyone, is an equal.

From the fresh spinach leaves,

to the dreaded dry heaves.
It’s a humbling experience
to say the least!

So, how many times have you guys

knelt before the porcelain God?

C’mon, don’t be shy!

Well, I’ve had my share of vomit-fests’,

and since this is my blog, you’re gonna
hear a couple of’em. But I’ll make it
easy on you guys, and keep it brief.

I’ll just throw one or two out your way.
Not that there’s so many to choose from
mind you. Well okay... there have
been a bunch of... episodes...
while I was serving in the military
and while on board the Nimitz.

That pic below was more or less us
on a weekly basis during my
Naval schooling years in Tennessee... LoL
Those fuckin' rednecks
really knew how to party!

Tommy Mondello and pal in Millington, Tennessee at Navy Lake

Also, just as an example of my Nimitz time... here's a few photo's of one of my first outings from the ship while we were in the Mediterranean Sea... 1982/1983.

We were in-port Palma Spain
and I was with my childhood friend Cary.
You remember him right?
He's the guy who met me on the pier
when I first reported to the ship in Virginia.

Tommy Mondello on left & Cary on right in Palma Spain January 1983
Cary on left 2 other friends and Tommy Mondello on right Palma Spain January 1983
Hangin' with some other tourists Palma Spain January 1983
Tommy Mondello drunk and horny in Palma Spain January 1983
No one was safe from our horny hiatus... LoL
Tommy Mondello... aftermath of a great day Palma Spain January 1983
Cary... aftermath of a great day Palma Spain January 1983
My USS Nimitz Palma Spain shirt from that visit. Still have it!
My USS Nimitz Palma Spain shirt from that visit. Still have it!

Now back to the vomiting...

Have you ever been invited over to someone’s home for dinner, and ended up vomiting in practically every room of their fucking house?

No, I didn’t think so.
That's because you’re a
normal human being!

But believe me; I had no intention of completing such a disgusting task myself.

But hey, shit happens, right?
Or, should I say vomit.

It happened while the ship was in dry dock in Virginia. Another guy from my shop also named Tommy, invited me over to have some dinner and drinks, with he and his wife Sherry.

Tom was really cool. Always at the ready when it was time to fuck around with someone and bust some chops. He was a true prankster at heart but, on the outside, played the

kinda quiet, shy type.

Those are the muthafucka’s that ya hav’ta watch out for, not us loud a-holes. We’re harmless!

All bark dont'cha know.

Tom’s wife Sherry was also very cool.
Cutest thing ever.

They were living in a townhouse; I’d guess

you’d call it. About five rooms or so,
and attached on either side.

When I arrived we started the night off

with some beers. Pretty innocent right?

Didn’t go overboard or anything like that.

We were havin’ a lot of laughs, and ripping

a new a-hole into everyone that
we worked with on the ship.

It’s really great talkin’ about other people

isn’t it? Well it is! Not that we're so perfect
mind you. But rippin' up other people
is just so much fun no matter
how wrong it is... LoL

Sherry had just finished preparing a spectacular meal. But, before we sat down, Tom decided to open up this gigantic bottle of red wine.

Ut oh!

Now this was no ordinary bottle of wine.

It was in some kind of tall,
I dream of Jeannie,
type bottle.

Barbara Eden and her "I Dream of Jeannie" bottle
Jeannie inside her bottle. How could you not be in love with her!!

I mean this thing was the same shape
as Jeannie's bottle, but this one was about
4 foot tall. Mostly all neck. I’m not
shittin’ you guys at all. It was the exact
same size bottle as in that pic below!

Just like the tall wine bottle we finished off

Anyway, this was all harmless so far, right?

Well, Tommy pulled the cork, and ever so slowly, tilted the bottle and began pouring the red devil liquid from its home, into our waiting flasks.

Uuuummmm, smooooth!

We then sat down to supper, and had a great meal, which was complimented by a continuous flowing devil of the red persuasion.

It was a project just pouring from this thing!

But after just a few pours, Tommy became
quit the sommelier! Too funny.

After dinner, we continued sucking up

the demon delight. In fact, Sherry
had joined us at this point.

We drank for hours, and then,

the volcano began to rumble.
The gases were stirring,
and the lava was building.

An eruption was imminent.

And sure enough...



Off to the bathroom I ran.

We all just started crackin’ up with laughter. When you’re drunk, even the most humorless event seems funny.

Man, I wish I could go through life feeling like that. Silly that is, only without really being drunk, of course! That would be so cool. I could be like Dudley Moore, and be the new Arthur!

I began to spew.

And then, I quickly discovered

an indisputable fact.

I found that spewing and laughter,

just did not compliment one another at all.
At ALL muthafucka!

Oh man, it was ugly!

Because of that stupid laughter,

lava ended up everywhere.

It was comin’ outta me from every portal
but my ass. Mount St. fucking Helen's
wasn’t this bad!

But wait...


There’s another volcano about to blow!

Tommy began throwing up in the living room. Leaving poor Sherry just sitting there,
trying desperately not to vomit herself,
from the mere sight of his chunks. LoL

In the meantime, I had finished my business, wiped everything down, and slowly made my way back into the living room
only to vomit once again,
as soon as I saw Tommy’s mess.

I fell to my hands and knees right there
on the fuckin' spot, and spewed.

Just then, Tommy jumped up,
and ran into the bathroom.
Fuck, it was total chaos.
You just had to witness the scene!

It was uncontrollable laughter and chunks.

Too awesome!

A true vomit fest even.
And poor Sherry was caught
right in the middle of it all.

Seconds later, Tommy came crawling out of the loo. And, once we spotted each other, both on our hands and knees still, we just started laughing so hard in a drunken stupor, that we both began throwing up all over again!

Are we retarded or what!?

Oh man, it was just so disgusting,
but hilarious at the same time.

I remember crawling on all fours, and ending up in the bedroom where, you guessed it, I vomited.

Thank goodness the house, apartment, or whatever the fuck it was we were in, had all hardwood floors and no carpeting.
That would’ve been a nightmare.

Man, it was just so funny. Sherry was running back and forth between Tom and myself,
trying to comfort and clean us,
while at the same time trying not to kill us,
for turning her home into a vomiting trough.

Every time Tommy and I saw each other, and got a whiff of the spew, it re-ignited the flame inside, and caused another eruption.

Two fuckin’ idiots, man.
Even worse, two drunken, idiots!

This nightmare continued on for the next hour
or so, until the red lava had graced practically every room in the fuckin’ house.

I don’t remember why we were in all of the rooms. But, strange things usually follow after indulging on the spirits all night.
Damn that red devil!

The three of us were drained.

Tommy and I were dead from puking.
You all know how exhausted
you feel afterwards, right?

And Sherry, well she was so worn out
from playing nursemaid,
and cleaning up after us.

Thanks Sherry,
for not yellin’ at us too loud.
You’re the best! You really are.
I love both of them very much for
looking out for me while stationed there!

What a nightmare that was.
But awesome nonetheless.

Here’s another quick one for you guys.

It happened after a Van Halen concert in Virginia. Let’s just say I have very good aim!
Wait, you’ll see.

I went to the show with Billy.

Yeah, that’s right. The same Billy who saw
Ozzy from Staten Island” that I had
written on the bulletin board back in the
blue buildings of Millington, Tennessee
and introduced himself because
he was from Staten Island himself.

The same guy who dropped the radio I tossed to him from the fourth floor window
of said building.

The same fucker who pulled me from my bunk and punch the crap outta me
while on board the Nimitz.

And yes... the very same guy who murmured

I found it

when he located Jim Morrison's gravesite
during our Paris, France adventure.

Billy Scire at Jim Morrison's grave side Paris, France May 4, 1983

Yeah... that Billy!

Well first off, the show was great!

Eddie VanHalen melting our faces at Hampton Coliseum Feb 15, 1984
VanHalen at Hampton Coliseum Feb 15, 1984 taken with my trust 110 camera
Eddie VanHalen & David Lee Roth at Hampton Coliseum Feb 15, 1984
David Lee Roth at Hampton Coliseum Feb 15, 1984
Tommy Mondello & Billy Scire after VanHalen Hampton Coliseum Feb 15, 1984... pre-puke!

We bought tickets the day of the concert, and we ended up really close to the stage as they still utilized the "general admission" rule in those days unlike today. You don't really find that at too many events nowadays.

But anyway, we both met up with some other guys and of course, well, we drank a ton.

Man, I know it sounds like we did nuthin’ but drink in the service, but really we didn’t.
At least I don’t think we did.

Does alcohol affect your memory?

I can’t remember!
Ha Ha! Oh sorry!

We headed over to the show and it kicked ass. This was during the 1984 tour, and I think the last album with Diamond David Lee Roth until recently when he rejoined forces with the
Van Halen brother's once again.

Well, after the show, there was a rumor
floating around that the band was staying
at a nearby hotel. So, being the drunk losers that we were, we took a shot,
and made our way over to the hotel.

Didn’t even see a fuckin’ roadie,
let alone the band.

We spent an hour or two impatiently waiting for these assholes. Who, even if they were staying there and actually saw us, would’ve told us both to fuck off anyways! LoLoL

Believe me, drunk and stupid is no way
to go through life my friends.
And we were living proof of that factoid.

Eventually, we got fed up with waiting,
and just wanted to get the fuck outta there.
We got a hold of a taxicab, yelled out
a destination, and off we went.

Well, about five minutes into the ride,
I felt the eruption coming.

Oh NO... could it be Tommy & Sherry
all over again!!

We were both sitting in the back seat of the cab. I was behind the driver and Billy
was on the passenger side.

Well, while the car was driving down the roadway, the flood gates were opening. And so I leaned over and opened the car door.

I then stuck my head out of that opened door
as the spewage began to flow!

The driver had no idea
what the fuck was happening.

Billy turned and took a look out
of the rear window, and began to shout
out encouragement.

Why would he be doing that?
That's what you’re thinking right?

Well, the car was riding close to the center double-line of the street, and my perfectly aimed ammunition was riding that line!

Just listen to that again!

I was throwing up…
in Virginia…
after a Van Halen concert...
on the double center line...
in the middle of the muthafucking street.

From a moving vehicle no less.
With the door opened,
and half my body leaning out of it.

does it get any better than that,
or what?
I say, not!

See... I told you being drunk & stupid
was no way to go through life didn't I!?
Do you need anymore proof than this... LoL

And then there was this time when……………
no, no, only kidding! hahahaha

I’ve had enough vomit for right now.

How ‘bout you guys?
I'm sure you have as well!

Yeah, I thought so.

And don’t think that I don’t know about your... vomit-fest stories either. Because you and I both know you have a few.

Maybe more... than a few!

Let’s get outta here!