Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Down Goes Frazier... DOWN Goes Frazier!




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tommyraw.com


Well, here's your chance to grab
a tiny glimpse of what other's
think about my words.


I'm sure you've already come
to your own conclusions
about them...
good, bad, horrible... LoL
whatever it may be.


So let's see what camp
you fall into.


Do you fall into the
"Hey I kinda like this shit" group?


Maybe the
"I'll give it just one more try" camp!


Or perhaps
you're in full agreement
with the downright mean assholes
out there, and hate every fucking
single word I've written!
But just like a savage collision...
you just can't get yourself
to pull your eyes away... LoL


You silly bastards you!
I love you emotionally torn muthafucka's...
join the club my friends...
join the fucking club!


But...
whatever camp you fall into,
I still think you're going to have
a cringe or two, and probably
a few chuckles as well
as you absorb the
emotional release of some of
your fellow readers!


Enjoy...


And I hope you don't get
any blood on you!

:)


Reviews of my first attempt
within the literary world... too funny!



I wanted to pass along some emotional release. Along with the very strong possibility of a few dreadfully awkward snickers as well.


Only this release doesn't come from yours truly.


Rather it comes from your fellow readers who were brave enough to roll the dice and crack the spine of the first hard copy print installment of what I thought was going to be the Tommy Raw series before my cousin Shannon introduced me to this amazing blog thing!


And that release you're about to read comes in the form of online reviews of their pleasure and, as it seems, their horror as well.


Dont’cha just love the over-dramatics!?


(((All of the reviews can be seen at
Amazon )))


Here’s but a small sampling of their feelings about the book. Now remember guys, their talking about some of the stories you've already read here! So keep that in mind as you cringe... LoL


Some of the reviews are truly filled with utter disappointment and emotional spewage coming from every orifice. It's so funny! You can practically feel their disgust. While others
are quite refreshing and light.


But still, I gotta warn you guys that at times it's anything but pretty, nor is it for the faint of heart! And here’s one of the reasons why they’re not all for the thinned skinned to read...


O.M.G. Absolute Garbage!
I don’t have much to say about this pile, but it really sucks and it does not deserve
any stars for this.


Ouch!
C’mon dude, that hurt.


As you can see, it’s gonna get downright bloody in here from time to time! So if that blood-pumping muscle within your rib cage dances to a tattered beat, you’d better have one of those nitroglycerin pills close at hand.


I already harbor the guilt of a thousand and one mere mortals within the depths of my being, and just couldn't handle having the death of what may be perhaps my one and only fan; that would be the crowning jewel of said guilt.



So just to be on the safe side, have one of those magical life-restoring tablets in your palm at the ready, and proceed with caution!



Because the carnage is about to begin.



Just listen to the lashing that I took on this one...



I would like a refund.

This book is insulting to anyone
with an IQ higher than 3.


Now that's just simply not true dude.



I’ve been told by many, whose IQ’s just happen to be in the neighborhood of the upper teens, that they thoroughly enjoyed the silliness.

So there.


And yes, I was being sarcastic you knuckleheads... thank you!



Now don’t go ‘n get yourself upset or lose your breath from laughter for that matter when you read the really nasty ones.

Yes, they do get worse... LoL


And hey you, Nitroboy, at the ready right?



Because some of these words you're about to read absolutely have the power to either piss you off, as they did me at first, or make you piss

your pants (to which I can also attest to).


Either way, they're going to generate some sort of reaction from you, with or without the
urine-stained garment.


But look, before I get to anymore of the bloodbath, oh I mean reviews, I would just like to take a moment here to thank those of you who actually took the time out of your busy day

to post a review.


Yes, even you loser hardliners who don’t seem to have a single ounce of humor coursing through your stiffened beings that trashed me to no end, I kinda thank you as well. 



Even though your stiffness is as rigged as a pornstar’s crotch on Viagra.



Is that a copy of Tommy Raw in your pants,
or are you just happy to see me!


Behold, monumental stiffness

for your reading pleasure...


What was I thinking?
This is a book for dumb people that
will make them feel smarter knowing
there is someone out there
with a lower intelligence level than them.
I want my money back.


Glad to know that I’m a self confidence builder. Maybe it should be sold from the

“self help” section from now on.


Now lemme tell ya, obviously, we need more lightheartedness in the world. Oh my goodness, can you believe what you’re reading thus far?



I have to believe that the negative individuals thought for sure that they were purchasing some sort of historical, fact-filled reference publication because of the misleading sub-title

I was advised to use by an editor.

Tommy Raw : Youthful Memoirs from The Streets of Staten Island & Beyond.
(horrible isn't it?!)


I guess they were hoping to take a stroll through a glorious Staten Island, New York we all once knew it to be, and not 280 pages of silliness, dysfunction, and fifth grade humor.


Well, that’s the reason I keep telling myself anyway. But this guy didn’t quite

see it that way...


Feel so ripped off.

I would not buy this book for fifty cents if I was able to do it all over again! What a waste.


C’mon, fifty cents buddy?
I won’t take less than $0.75!


But not all of them tore me a new a-hole mind you. Some of them were actually
positive and fun.


This one for instance just makes me smile
from ear to ear...


True belly Laughs!
From beginning to end this book made me laugh so much that I thought I was going to pass out. This guy sounds insane, but funny as hell. Thanks for the laughs. I even had my wife read it and she normally is never into this type of stuff. If you could draw laughter from her
you must be a freakin' genius.


Mmmmm... genius huh?


Well after reading this next one, I just might begin believing that silly notion. Okay, no I won’t! Take it easy will ya.


Laugh Out Loud Funny!
Tommy Mondello is far from the next Fitzgerald or Hemingway, but his unique brand of writing is certainly a breath of fresh air, especially for a young college guy like myself who is desperate for a fix of literary laughter that doesn't involve depicting figures of speech
for upcoming term papers.

Tommy's stories bring back fond memories of my own childhood. You want a good laugh? Buy the book, you'll have a blast!
(((was alot longer but I shortened it)))


Hold on... wait a minute!
Did someone actually use the word genius
a few seconds ago? LoL


I hope you know I’m only kidding right!?
I’m as much a genius as is the Roadrunner’s archenemy... Wily E. Coyote... Super Genius!


And we all know what happens to that idiot
in every episode don’t we...


... bang, boom, smash, crash!
It never does end well for him does it?


But really, as nasty as some of the reviews are, believe it or not, there's one that I’ve become rather fond of. It’s been very entertaining fodder during get-togethers with friends and such. It always seems to bring a hearty round
of robust laughter to the room.


Ready?


Not Worth Reading!
MAN THIS BOOK IS TERRIBLE. THE ONLY THING I ENJOYED WAS BURNING IT IN MY FIREPLACE.


Too funny right?


At first I just wanted to gently whack them over the noggin once or twice with a crisp, clean, pristine, copy of my book in hopes of jarring loose a sense of humor.


I mean, dont’cha just love
the uppercase lettering they used?


Oooooo... they're yelling at me!


But then, a strange thing occurred. I began to sympathize with their obvious lack of jocularity.


Wow, imagine going your entire life
without ever feeling silly?


It was like some sort of Stockholm Syndrome came over me. Although I wasn't their captive, I found myself becoming intrigued and bound
to their pure disgust, disdain even.


I mean c'mon dudes, it’s only a fuckin' stupid book of words for crying out loud, and not the Ten god-damned Commandments
etched in stone!
The only commandment that matters


Suddenly I began to find that obtuse, three sentence review of their's was actually bringing me huge amounts of thunderous laughter, more so than even my very own written thoughts.


What the fuck!
Maybe they should be doing
the writing huh? LoL


And now, their anger and humorless demeanor has provided material for this new endeavor.
This blog thing.


So instead of becoming annoyed by such penned poison, it has actually taken me to new heights.


Now how muthafucking ironic is that!
I can’t stop laughing. I love every pissed off, paranoid, perverse person partaking in life
upon this planet.


Your complete inability to unwind and simply enjoy an uncomplicated, silly snapshot in time constantly reminds to embrace every fucking waking hour I have left within this present tense.


Lighten the fuck up already will ya
before it's too late!


And then...
... from the smoldering ashes ‘n smoke
... arose yet another reviewer who gets it:
the pure innocence of lighthearted story telling.


And yes I DO know this person, and yes, he STILL enjoyed the book regardless of that fact!


And please don't be one of those people
who says...

"look, he has his friends
post good reviews for him!"


Well, if you're one of the knuckleheads thinking that, take this into consideration.


That's what friends do...
they support one another
you fucking assholes!!


LoL... oh sorry!
Just needed to get that out.


It’s a bit long, so like the other one I took the liberty of condensing it down. But it's overall theme hits the nail right on the proverbial head my friends. Right on the head!


Are you haunted by disturbing childhood memories? Do you have embarrassing episodes from your past that you'd prefer to leave tucked away? Are you reluctant to discuss your youth with friends and colleagues for fear
of what they might think of you?

Well, get over it idiot and learn to laugh at yourself. That seems to be the central message of a new, hilarious book by Staten Island native Tommy Mondello.

The book is purposely written in a style so familiar that you'll feel as though Tommy is sitting across from you with a Budweiser (no use referring to the author as Mr. Mondello, it just doesn't work - only Tommy will do).

Tommy brings you through the highs and lows of his childhood, Navy years and early adulthood and in the process takes self-awareness and self-deprecating humor to new and useful heights. Childhood strategies gone awry, near insubordination in the military and teenage misadventures all turn out to be no match for Tommy's perception and wit.

What you quickly realize is that the charm Tommy used throughout his life to extricate himself from these situations is alive in the narrative itself and winning you over big time.

If you had a childhood at all, you should find this book funny and uplifting; and if you grew up on Staten Island in the 70s and 80s, chances are you'll get the bonus plan - a sense of familiarity so thick it'll be days before you can
wipe the grin off your face.

But you don't have to be from Staten Island to enjoy these tales of growing up - if you can remember "hanging-out" in the neighborhood, playing baseball and football in the street or just generally having too much time on your hands, this book is for you.

This is a work that turns itself inside-out as Tommy's various bouts with embarrassment and loser-dom are overshadowed by the triumph of their translation - a translation that will leave you impressed (and maybe shocked) by Tommy's capacity for survival, understanding and (especially) laughter.

By so skillfully showing us how to laugh at ourselves, Tommy emerges not as the lovable loser whose antics he describes but as a big winner - grinning and giggling through the journey of life. His narrative is an invitation
to go along for the ride.


Not too shabby huh?


And sorry, but I just couldn't get myself to shorten it one bit... LoL


It may have been a boring read for you, but my fuckin' head is so huge right now I can't even get it to fit through the bathroom doorway. And I have to pee... really bad!!


Oh be quiet.
Just lemme wallow in the moment
for a second will ya!


So, I’m guessing that the moral of the story here has to be that negativity is a good thing, at times: balanced by a healthy dose
of the positive of course!


It’s simple...
either you get it,
the fouled-mouth silliness,
or you don't!


Hey, I've always said that other people’s mishaps provide a limitless source of entertainment for us all. And, well, now their laughable loathing rivals even the most monumental of missteps
that I've experienced in my past.


Since reading several articles on how finding humor and laughter within every aspect of living, be it good or bad, leads to a longer healthier life, I would like to thank each and every one of you wonderful human beings for launching
such vile negativity in my direction.


Your warmth and misguided aversions have all but guaranteed an extended
and fun-filled lifeline for me.


Rest assured,
that I’ll be laughing all the way to old age... thanks to YOU.


Ya gotta fuckin' love that fact dont'cha!
LoL