Wednesday, August 21, 2013

21 "Bee" Salute




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21 “Bee” Salute


How many of you out there
have ever been stung by a bee?


Hurts like a muthafucka right?!


Well, how about being stung by several, or should I say, an entire swarm?
Probably none of you I bet.


Well, lemme tell ya about the time that my friend and I were turned into a human pincushions by hundreds of angry-ass
buzzing... stinging... bees!


Once again I was hanging out with my friend Brandon from the construction site nightmare. Remember from the Public Enemy Number One entry back in July 2013?


I remember that we were trouncing around in the tall grass down the block from my house. It didn’t take much to keep us
"ra-tardsentertained.
(The Hangover! LoL)


Now Brandon was a normal sized nine-year-old, while moi, well, you know the proportions by now. The word "husky" continues
to come to mind... LoL


Tommy Joey Michael Mondello 336 Simonson Ave SINY May 1969
The 3 Mondello boys back in May of 1969... I was 8 years old!
Look at that fuckin' gut I owned already! LoL
So yeah... I guess I was "husky"... : )
That's Joey on the ladder and Michael holding onto the side.
This was one of the many pools we went through
during our animalistic growing up stages!
That's VanName Ave in the background, where we would all do most
of our hanging out during our teenage years.


Just imagine a big ole’ grizzly bear milling about the tall grass mounds, sticking his nose into everything, bumping into trees and pretty much being an accident waiting to happen.


Well, that was me, gentle fucking Ben.


Brandon and I were having a great time looking for some mischief when all of the sudden we began to hear this buzzing sound.


It kept getting louder.


For a second we started having flashbacks
of The Big Courtyard from school.
Remember that scary fun?!


But was it the principal with his hand on the buzzer? No, it wasn’t him.


So what the fuck could that sound have been?


Then we noticed that there were insects flying all around us. Suddenly, it hit us!


BEES!


They were flying around us as if we had big tub's of honey tied to our fuckin' asses!


We began to swat at them, kick them, spit, fart, yell, punch, cry anything to get them away from us, but it was too late. The attack had already begun, and we were badly outnumbered.


I clamoured...


Fuck! Bees!
Run, Brandon run!


It seemed that we had unknowingly stepped on a beehive or something hidden within the defenses of all that tall grass.


And at this point, running was our only defense. So the both of us made a beeline for the street. (Hey wait, beeline, I just got that)


As soon as we hit the street, our little legs really kicked into high gear. I looked up and saw my father down the block in front of our house witnessing what was going on.


((( I was just at my parents house the other day talking about this story and that I was getting ready to post it here... and the 3 of us had a big laugh! My dad goes... "Yeah, you should'a seen how fast your little legs were moving!... LoL)))


Then, I took a look back behind us to see if the bees were still there, and fuck, they were!
That’s when I put it into super-high,
fat-guy gear!


I passed up Brandon
like he was fuckin' standin' still dude.


Those chubby mutha F'in legs'a mine were generating some major speed at this point. I glanced back a second time and you wouldn’t believe what I saw.


It was a gigantic swarm of bees, which was now gaining on us. And I could swear that I saw them form into a huge pair of scissors,
continuously snipping at us.


Then they transformed
into a gigantic steamroller.


Man, my brain was floundering.
Damn those Saturday morning cartoons!


I bolted past Brandon’s house like I was
Jesse Owens as he ran inside. I made my way to Dad and he grabbed me. Then we both sprinted for the front door of our house.


My goodness, it was just something that I couldn’t believe happened! It all went down SO fuckin' fast. And even though it seemed that we were in a cartoon, I can truly tell you that it didn’t fuckin’ feel like one.


Once in the house we made our way into the kitchen where my dad began picking out those muthafucking buzzing bastards
one by one from my clothes.
It seemed never ending!


And just like the title says, there were 21 of those little suckers clinging
to both my skin and clothes.


Man that sucked!
I hope no one ever has to go through that nightmare; it was pretty scary.


So, I think a true lesson here has to be...


don’t ever, and I mean ever, let an overweight kid outrun you on the way home when being chased by a swarm of fucking bees.


Oh yeah dude!
You know I told everyone at school that I blew passed Brandon, the skinny speedster, like he was a cinder block while running for our lives.


I was a swollen, bee-stung, braggin’
fat little muthafucka, baby!


Tommy Joey Michael Mondello 1968 Point Pleasant NJ rides
The 3 Mondello boys in 1968 again at possibly the Point Pleasant rides in
New Jersey or maybe even a local Bazaar perhaps.
Me on the left then Michael then Joey.
Joey is the only one smiling. I think I was finding out that I was susceptible to
motion sickness at that very moment
and Michael was trying to recover from the
elbow shot I was in the process of giving him... LoL
C'mon folks... look at the thickness of my fucking legs...
How on earth could I ever run to first base with those tree trunks... LoL


Buzzzzzzzzzz……...