Saturday, June 22, 2013

Opening The Door For New Material



Hey everyone...

I just wanted to post the dedication and introduction to the manuscript that I recently completed and was having edited at the time that this Blog idea was tossed my way by my cousin Shannon.

I felt I needed to put this out there before I posted any of the more recent material that comes from this book. Some of it is a bit heavier than the material from the first book as I fell upon a difficult rough patch along the way helping to bring out some more

serious type banter.

But a lot of it is just flat out hilarious. As you'll soon be finding out when you get to the Tommy Gun disaster which is up next!

Just think of this ded/intro entry as a big 'ole welcome mat into the perils 'n dysfunction that is my life!

Oh boy... sounds like fun... LoL


I wasn't going to write a dedication at all,
until I recently recalled a moment from a few years back; a very calming yet profound few ticks of time that somehow released an ocean of creative thought and banter from their stagnation into a raging overdue breech from a teeming mind.

And why this moment in time you wonder?

Because those ticks of time brought with them the very
first joyful teardrops that these cheeks have felt in quite some time, that's why.

Meaningless to most of you, but to me it completely confirmed that I had indeed come full circle; from the conscience contentment I once knew, through the maddening seclusion, complicated insecurities and huge boatloads of self loathing I had endured over these past years, and then back again.

Reconnecting with life's wonders and, even more importantly, with myself!

So much wasted time, I know. How silly of me right? So yeah, those joyful drops were like a salty bath of good karma kissing me smack dab

upon my 52 year old cheeks.

Nothing short of a miracle!

And so, I've decided to dedicate this offering, these words of creative release, to any one of you out there who 
have ever traveled full circle; survived the peak's 'n valley's of this crazy life and been lucky enough to have felt these very same self-assuring salty drops of sanity, confirming that YES...

... you have finally slipped back into the shoes
of that incredible individual you once were; a vibrant,
fun-loving human being, full of sensitivities, sarcasm,
and of course an endless number of endearing
opinions 'n whimsical dreams.

Welcome back my friends

Welcome home!

An Introduction of Sorts

Well first off lemme welcome back all of you wonderful brave souls out there who took the leap and enjoyed my last offering. With any luck you've remained receptive and safely immune from that most dreadful of all species, the cool crowd: those who, more often than not, lack the ability to revel within life's ever present embarrassing, uneasy and, at times,
manic moments.

I can only hope that there's still room enough in your busy lives for the likes of a foul-mouthed knucklehead such as myself.

Now if you're joining in the fun for the first time, then I'd really like to welcome you with open arms, and to also extend a heartfelt apology right off the bat in case I unintentionally offend you in some way and bruise that bountiful ego some. I can't make any promises you understand, but if I somehow cross a line and do toss a bit of black ‘n blue your way, try your best to hang in there. At least until you grab a hold of my sarcastic ways, and realize that
it’s all meant to be funny.

Try not to react in a knee jerk kind’a way and toss me aside for the latest James Patterson offering (even though he is awesome, isn’t he!?).

But let’s try to leave those knee jerks and closed minds to those self proclaimed cool people. Because as we all know, we open minded mammals are truly the coolest! But you didn’t hear that from me.

Let’s run away from political correctness for a spell, and welcome in that silly and, at times, uncomfortable sensation

of laughing at one’s self!

It’s not always an easy task, but just roll with the punches and don't take anything to heart. I mean c'mon dude, after all look at where it's coming from will ya! And yes, “dude” also means you women as well.

So hang tough, and rage against the sleek allure of that ivory tower. Come join the rest of us down here on street level for a hearty round of good cheer and maybe even some deep-seated thought that you rarely allow to see the light of day. If you're brave enough that is!

Now, just so there are no misconceptions whatsoever about the contents of this very uncool book, (and now blog) as I believe there were with my first offering. I will ever so daintily attempt to clarify, and to give fair warning to any owners of delicately developed egos who I feel should avoid this print at all cost.

That is, unless of course you're willing to dig down deep and somehow unwind that tightly wound mind of yours, and, well, laugh, cry or whatever emotion the moment calls for. Or at least empathize when called for.

Hell I'll even welcome a sarcastic smirk or two. I still hold out some hope that the day will arrive when you and your standoffish ego stumble in public, courageously chuckle as onlookers point, and continue on your merry way.

Simply brush yourself off, laugh, cry, get the fuck over it, and yourself for that matter, and welcome to our world. To the very uncool underbelly we normal open-minded folk down here on street level like to call... home.

So here goes nuthin'... a simplified clarification just for you, the uptight a-hole.
And you know who you are!


Attention all of you humorless, stick-in-the-mud muthafucka's who are in lock-step with the soulless people who trashed my last offering, LISTEN UP!

This is NOT, and I repeat NOT, a fact-filled publication about... ANYTHING! No real-time statistics, graphs, charts, professional advice, or nostalgic photos framing the innocence of wondrous days gone by. No scholastic value whatsoever. Got it?

What you will find is the same sincere voice that you’d find woven within the conversational comfort of a neighborhood bar room narrative, showering you with silly, sad, mad, glad, serious, hilarious, fucked-up and, hopefully at times, funny ejaculation of the mind.
Pure emotional release if you will.

We’ll go from comical stories to dreadful rock-bottom babble. You’ll also come across some firsthand non-professional opinionated advice as well. All done in an attempt to try and pull back the curtain we all hide behind from time to time; to expose the laughs, cries and sensitive sides that inhabit each and every one of us.

And even though some of us are better at hiding our feelings than others, don't kid yourselves, because we're all just one emotional jolt or embarrassment away from losing our composure and blowing chocolate milk through our noses or crying our fucking eyes out. Which, come to think of it, isn't such a bad thing to happen anyway, now is it?

Because emotions, any emotions, are what fuel our lives. They make us who we are, right? So don't be one of those cool even-tempered robots man, just don't be. Let that fuckin' milk fly my friend and let those salty rivers of moisture caress your cheeks and help to bring you back from that ever present brink!

Jimmy Valvano, who was the basketball coach for North Carolina State University for a time and won the NCAA championship back in 1983 against some very steep odds, said it best.

He spoke of emotions in an incredibly uplifting speech in 1993 at the ESPN espy awards just eight short weeks before he passed away from bone cancer. It gives me fuckin' goosebumps just thinking about it! He was so composed and relaxed. (I would have fallen apart at the seams if I were up there at that moment of my life.)

He talked about how we should experience laughter, thought and tears, every day! And to never give up! Just think about that. Think about how full each and every one of our days could be. To experience laughter, thought and tears, happy or sad, along with every other emotion we have to deal with on a daily basis. Then think about what a fulfilled life that would give us beyond that single twenty-four hour period!

It has to add up to not one single wasted moment, just a completely fulfilled and satisfied lifeline from start to finish. That would be pretty neat huh? Perhaps easier said than done, but possible. You should check it out.
Just click that link up above!
You'll get goosebumps too.

Who knows, maybe something in here might even help to loosen up that death grip you now hold upon your own well hidden emotional scars and insecurities. Revealing a truth that you may not be nearly as cool and together as you once thought you were. Possibly even leading to a few well overdue laugh lines etched into
that stern mug of yours.

It's pure emotional release my friend. Pure muthafuckin' release. Try it man.
It's addictive, you'll see!

So to recap... not a fact-filled guide, not a fictional fabrication, definitely not for the faint of heart, but for... anyone who wants to read the spewage of a slang-using foul-mouthed fellow human being passing along real life tales and heartfelt opinionated banter. Got it? Good.


And now lets move on with this intro before I begin to tear up like a twelve year old in one of those bad after-school movie specials.

Remember those things? An hour and a half of pimples, cries, lies and goodbye's. I'll tell ya, it's not easy being a sensitive fucker!

So much shit has happened to me since the first book. Much of it was funny lighthearted stuff but I also had my share, no lets make that more than my share of heavy-handed hell as well.

Everyone of you out there has had your share of heartache throughout the years I'm sure. Some of it really clamped down upon my spewing abilities and left me pretty much devoid of any real emotional health.

It was truly my very own personal “D Day” as I experienced being downsized, divorced and depressed with one leading right into the next. Talk about a gloomy Gus.

But come to think of it, now that it's all behind me, I'm actually most excited about the aspect of revisiting and exploring those desperate moments I endured. That's weird right?

I guess it's only because we think of ourselves as always being that strong and confident person who could never ever find themselves in such a desperate state?

I mean, just how the fuck does anything else in life ever become more important than eating, drinking and trying to get laid, right? How the fuck did I temporarily lose my appetite for pizza, pinot and pussy? Mmmmmmm... 

I'm so curious to dissect the reasons why
I went off the rails.
It seems I'm a glutton for punishment.

Who knows, maybe one of you has also temporarily lost your appetite and might actually feel some comfort within my words. Maybe even find the path back towards sanity just by realizing that others have suffered and persevered through a similar fate. I really do feel that a shared experience brings with it enormous strength and a means for us to
overcome pretty much anything!

Wait a minute.
What the fuck is that extremely profound thought doing here?

To this point most if not all of my writing has been nothing more than silly foul-mouthed misadventures, which I so love to relive and pen. And there's gonna be plenty of that hijinx again in this volume I can assure you.

Because c'mon, how funny is it to read about someone making a complete ass of themselves? I can read about that kinda stuff for days.

But on the other hand the concept of putting emotional pain to paper has really ignited a firestorm of synapse connections. I'm sure that there's gonna be a ton of laughs, and cries, during these accounts as I try to pull back that curtain of denial and reveal the rawness of each snapshot in time along a bumpy lifeline.

I only hope that my fucking head doesn't explode in the process of reliving such drama. Crap, just listen to me cryin' already. Sounds like I'm the lead pimple-faced fuck in that after school debacle doesn't it?
What a wimp!!

And well, as far as an Introduction of Sorts goes, I think I've pretty much covered most of the bases. I'm sure you're gonna find some chuckles along the way with my comical journalistic nonsense and Tommy-like approach to writing, as fucked up as it may seem to you!

And also maybe even find some comfort in the more serious bullshit I went through. I would hope that someone does, but hope is usually such an undependable hand to hold on to.

And look, please don't freak out about any of the serious bullshit you read okay, especially if you happen to know me personally. Some of it is downright dreadful, and was very much unexpected. And one moment really caught me by total surprise!

I'm kinda feeling weird even talking about it but you know what? Fuck it! I've thrown away what little coolness I thought I once possessed anyway a long time ago! So, long live my new mantra towards life...


In fact, the guys on that show The Big Bang Theory are now my new inspirational hero's.

So, just relax, read and revel in the madness of the ups and downs, the peaks and valley's, the near misses and direct hits, of a mostly normal fellow human being.

And then thank whomever it is that you pray to at bedtime, that you ain't me muthafucka, that you ain't THIS human being!! In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Two Shoulders.

Anyways, I really wanna thank all of you for leaping into the fray yet again. For pulling up a stool and shimmying up to the bar with me to share another round of beers. Cheers!

I love you guys! Even without the Budweiser in me. And I can actually say that wholeheartedly, only because I have finally relearned, how to love myself... first! Pretty neat huh?!

See ya at the end... tommy